Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Cackling Crusades
This office is illuminated, but not in a way that mimics summer and sunshine and glimmering clarity after rainfall. It is cold and still and dry like an empty mud bunker where souls with business linger in their purgatory. Nobody knows I'm here.
Out in the hall are the footsteps of soldiers and snakes who slither and pace and wait for orders. They plot their moves and draft sly strategies for attack and surrender. Some write letters home. At midday they meet on the infinite battlefield with their swords and slings and arrows drawn.
And someone screams CHARGE.
In one swift motion the regiment and reptiles race towards the front lines where they convene for tea and gossip. The clank of porcelain fills the hills. Nobody talks about the war.
Cackling Crusades
Posted by Anne X at around 12:44 PM View Comments
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I Suggest You Read This Article
The financial elites have flourished in recent decades to a great extent because they have had government on their side, with the politicians working diligently to ensure that rules, regulations and tax policies established an environment in which the elites could thrive. For ordinary Americans, it has been a different story, with jobs shipped overseas by the millions and wages remaining stagnant, with labor unions under constant assault and labor standards weakened, with the safety net shredded and the message sent out to workers everywhere: You’re on your own.
Keep this in mind and stay tuned for an upcoming post in abstract relation to this.
I Suggest You Read This Article
Posted by Anne X at around 6:23 PM View Comments
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Preschool Is Back In Session...
Whereas, the national government is diminishing our future prosperity by escalating the national debt at an unprecedented rate by squandering trillions of taxpayer dollars and demonstrating wanton disregard for protecting us and our posterity from insurmountable financial burdens, which in large part originates from spending beyond the legitimate authority derived from the United States Constitution; (You mean by funding a ceaseless undeclared war in the Middle East which only pisses off the locals and makes them easy prey for recruitment into terrorist organizations and effectively puts us at a greater risk and makes us look like assholes? Point taken. Oh, that’s not what you meant? My bad.)
Section A. Chapter 10, RSMo, is amended by adding thereto one new section, to be known as section 10.115, to read as follows:
10.115. 1. The Newfoundland dog, known for its large size, tremendous strength, sweet disposition, loyalty, and natural water rescue tendencies, is selected for and shall be known as the official canine breed of the state of Missouri
2. Seaman, the Newfoundland dog which accompanied Meriwether Lewis and William Clark on their expedition of the new territory acquired by the United States through the Louisiana Purchase, is selected for and shall be known as the official state canine of the state of
It was also the first animal killed in the development of the electric chair. Exciting! This obviously solves all of our economic problems and employment issues. I’m thrilled to see our elected officials taking such bold strides and drafting this invaluable legislation.
Preschool Is Back In Session...
Posted by Anne X at around 12:38 AM View Comments
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
New Years Resolutions I'm Imposing on State Representatives
A few days ago the world celebrated the 10th anniversary of the New Years Eve when an unfortunate number of people became paranoid hoarding lunatics fighting over gallons of water like it was the last Tickle-Me-Elmo in the western hemisphere. All in anticipation of the dreaded Y2K. Now, a decade after the beginning of the apocalypse, planet Earth is still taking it’s precious time killing us off. Usually by the inefficient means like Cancer or bear attacks, though in some cases -tsunamis, hurricanes, governments with the natural need to exert a masculine dominance- by mass casualties. While these earnest attempts by mother nature have often been successful, they have generally failed in hastening the overall disposal of our species. We’re still reproducing like Xerox machines and it's causing a worldwide budget crunch. Too many mouths to feed, children to teach, and diseases to cure. Existing is expensive. A for effort, though. You can tell Mother Nature’s really trying. But, ten years later we still walk around angry and dumb like the post-apocalyptic zombies we apparently are. And with the welcoming of baby 2010 and it's subsequent Legislative session fast approaching, I thought I’d begin this “promising” new decade with a couple of resolutions I’d like to impose upon our representatives.
1.
Stop cheating and lying and doing bad stuff. Yeah, we’re all a little slow since the end of the world because we still have this image in our minds of Toby Keith singing about how our government will kick those daft a-rab punks in their keester with a cowboy boot. For a second we thought the government was put in place to keep us in check, and not vice versa. We’re so silly sometimes. But believe you me, we’re catching on, and we’re coming for you. Well, not us personally, but some big government agency who’s job it is to do that sort of thing will. I mean, provided they’re not corrupt too. You make the good politicians look bad and it's your fault I have to listen to people complain about how much they hate politics and how they don't understand why I want to spend my life dealing with people like you. But yeah. We're watching you. And boy, when we pick up the paper the next morning and have to read about your moronic cuss resigning over campaign fraud instead of about how one of the Palin Girls got caught with Tiger Woods, we’ll be angry.
2.
Stop using religion as a basis for your arguments. So I’m sitting in my apartment the other day watching TV, because it’s the first time in 6 months I’ve really had one, and I stumble upon a show on one of the boring channels called The History of Sex. I was curious. I am a curious person so don’t act so surprised. While I watched awkward images of ancient erotica fade across the HD screen, some Ben Stein impersonator droned on in a quite unseductive manner about the sex lives of the Romans. Apparently they had a form of herbal birth control which was almost entirely effective in preventing pregnancy. So effective, in fact, that they used it all up and the plant doesn’t even exist anymore. It’s extinct. That’s how you know it was popular. That’s also how you know they had a lot of sex. But then the Roman Empire began becoming more conservative. They began focusing on “religion” and “virginity”. (Those poor Roman men!) And then *POOF* they collapsed. Separation of Church and state, people. There’s a reason for it. So unless you’re trying to bring about the Collapse of the American Empire, I suggest quoting Orwell next time. Not Jesus.
3.
Support the Autism Bill. I used to nanny for a wonderful autistic boy named Peter. He had a smile as beautiful as any normal child, and his laugh was like sunshine, but rare. He was five and he couldn’t talk. He had a strange habit of shredding everything he possibly could into one long strand. He could turn a leaf of lettuce into a 5 foot long string, and a plastic bag into a rope that could reach from the basement to his bedroom where he was probably eating soap and hiding from me or his mother. He also enjoyed pulling all the ice cream from the top shelf of the freezer, then using it to give the walls a fresh new coat of Mint Chocolate Chip. And while pastel green can be a refreshing hue for any vintage style dining room, it’s a mighty hassle to clean up. Pete’s tantrums were the equivalent of getting sucker-punched by Chuck Norris while the fat lady sings into your ear canal. Though his parents had two nannies in employ, they struggled to keep us, to find him a school that could handle his eccentric behavior, to work, and especially to pay the bills, what with all his dietary restrictions and medical needs. I watched their family suffer intense strain. His father didn’t know how to cope with his only son being autistic and avoided being home most of the time. His mother couldn’t handle the tantrums for more than a couple minutes at a time and often entrusted me with her fears that her husband would leave her for some Barbie Doll and elope to Vegas and forget about his present offspring and leave her without a penny or a college degree. Peter’s elder sister was undisciplined because the moment she threw a tantrum her parents would give in to her demands, unable to deal with anymore screaming or crying. My only refuge was the sunny days when Pete would sit on the trampoline and stare for hours at spiders. I’d lie on my back on the hot cement porch and his sister would trace my body with pink chalk as I pretended to be dead. That part was her idea, not mine. She wasn't fond of me. I made her do her homework. The financial and emotional strains that can result from autism, even in its mild forms, like any long-term illness, can be enough to make a whole family crumble. Anybody running on the concept of family values is a hypocrite if they don’t support this bill and I don’t mind a bit saying so.
4.
In words similar to those of Chris Crocker, "Leave Abortion Alone!" Not everybody can afford a baby and I don’t see you stepping up and offering to pay for it for the next 18 years, so hush. Also, not everybody wants a baby, or wants to suffer through the loss of an non-viable one. Besides. Babies grow up to be skanky smart-mouthed horny little teenagers, and Lord knows we have more than enough of them running around growing weed in their basements. Plus, they're expensive to educate.
5.
Education. Fund it. Let me put it this way: If knowledge is power, than those who control the knowledge control the power. This is just a little fun fact for those constituents of yours to keep in mind next time they listen to you debate about publick skool funding. Who’s scared of an alert well educated public? Not you.
6.
Stop saying dumb things and making us look bad. Now, I’m all for Missouri gaining national notoriety, but I’d rather it not be for having the Worst People in the World. Saying things like, “Hunger is a positive motivator” is dumb. Pardon my asking, Miss Representative, but haven’t you seen Aladin? I mean yeah, there’s a lot of kissing and Jasmine’s kind of a slut, so it’s probably not in your preferred genre, but it is Disney, after all. Besides, there’s a much more important message than just “slutty girls get the guy.” And that message, my dear, is that hunger is NOT a positive motivator. The main guy’s starving, so what does he do? He goes and gets a job at McDonalds! Haha YAY! Just kidding, he steals an apple. It’s at the very beginning so if don’t believe me you can rent it and you won’t even have to watch the whole movie. But the point is that hunger is probably more likely to lead to stealing apples off the streets of Arabia (or, you know, prostitution, selling drugs, robbing me at gunpoint…), not providing excellent customer service at to the happy customers at Burger King. Ding fries are done.
In conclusion, these are the resolutions I demand be kept by my elected representatives. Fortunately most of the politicians I'm familiar with tend to keep these out of habit anyway, but lately the whole organized chaos that that takes place up in Jefferson City has fallen off it's rocker. It's time to dust off those politicians and help them back up into their mechanical saddles. Cowgirls don't cry.
Laugh. I'm only three fourths serious.
New Years Resolutions I'm Imposing on State Representatives
Posted by Anne X at around 1:18 PM View Comments
Friday, December 11, 2009
Ho Ho Ho Hum
I feel incredibly guilty when I do not update this convoluted blog of mine. This leads to stress. Stress leads to an inability to concentrate on things that might actually impact my future, which leads to a sense of self-loathing. And you know where that leads.
Ben and Jerry's.
It's not entirely that my mind is broken, though that vary well may be one of the causes; it's that the world is out of control and I got dizzy and fell off the ride and barfed a little bit. You needed to know that part. It's important to the story.
So after regaining my balance and dusting myself off, I decided maybe it's best to focus on the things I should actually be getting anxious about. Like finals, and starting an internship, and moving. I talked it over with myself and we (I) agree a short break is in our (my) best interests. Admittedly, I haven't updated with anything that has consisted of any newsworthy insight in quite a while so it will be an easy transition for all of my faithful readers.
This isn't to say I've given up blogging. I have plans to update occasionally with mindful rants about how dumb and disobedient men are and how wise and intriguing and heroic and otherwise generally flawless women are - with the exception of Sarah Palin. I may also interject with clever anecdotes about instances where I was irritated by something, or with poetic odes to strange things like toenails. spice racks, or cacti.
I'm just a wacky crazy awesome chick like that and dammit, I do what I want.
Yours Truly,
Anne|X
Also, there is no snow outside and it's December. You should fix that.
Ho Ho Ho Hum
Posted by Anne X at around 10:56 PM View Comments
Monday, November 30, 2009
Winner Winner Turkey Dinner?

Like many people, I gathered around a table and stuffed myself full of the festive autumn essentials alongside family and friends this past week. Thanksgiving used to be a holiday that celebrated and distorted a historic period of American brutality. And while the rest of our beloved holidays have become over commercialized and lost in political blather, the third Thursday of November now marks a day when we as a nation join together to reflect on the good fortune that has found its way into our lives. Admittedly the economy has gone to hell and we're all struggling, but this year I've found it easier to recognize the gifts that I have received.
Like everyone else, the list of things I’m thankful for starts with the amazing people around me. The support and motivation I’ve received this year, and every year prior, has been a godsend and I would be a huddled mass in a ditch somewhere without it. I’m also thankful for my job. Not because it’s particularly enjoyable but because it pays the rent and mass of parking tickets I've accrued since moving to the city. It allows me to afford to drive 3 hours to spend the holidays with my family. Not everybody is so fortunate. I am thankful for my broken health care system and my expensive and currently useless medical insurance. There are people that don’t have access to the level of care that I have access to. I’m thankful that I don’t loose loved ones daily to ethnic or ideological battles that take place in this country, or in other countries. I'm thankful that despite the ignorance, misguidance, and utter hostility, people are becoming active in government affairs again. I’m thankful I’m allowed to say these things without much reprimand. I’m thankful foreign troops don’t walk my streets under the guise of protecting me. I’m thankful that I live in a future empire instead of one of the countries it will destroy on it’s path to world domination. Kind of.
I’m thankful that when I someday meet a wonderful man and fall in love, that I can get married and not have my happiness be looked down upon or discriminated against. I’m thankful that my parents, both of whom spent the past year unemployed through no fault of their own, have been able to receive unemployment benefits that make them financially able to stay above the poverty line while they look for work. I’m thankful that when they had full time jobs, it was enough for them to survive on. I’m thankful that even though I no longer live in a democracy, I am still able to enjoy the protection of some of the freedoms and rights bestowed upon me by our forefathers. My protests have not yet been violently repressed. I can still ask questions without persecution.
In fact, upon reflection I’ve discovered that almost every complaint I have about this country is something that I have been blessed with. This is one of the driving forces behind my involvement in politics. There are people in this country, in this world, who, through no fault of their own, don’t have these things to be thankful for. Why? On Thanksgiving I saw a tweet posted by Al Jazeera (English). It said, “Bomb blasts in Iraq claim lives: Dozens wounded in addition to fatalities in attacks outside Baghdad.” Included was a link to this article. I can’t rightfully use this post to go on about how not-thankful I am about our foreign policy, but it’s hard to be thankful that I don’t live where things like this take place because to me it feels like I’m also saying “Better them than me.” I don't believe that.
I’m involved in politics because I am thankful. I’m involved because I appreciate the life I, out of pure luck, have been blessed with. And I stand up, and I speak up, and I fight for those blessings, because there are people out there who are not so fortunate despite the fact that they are no less deserving of them than I am. Lost cause or not, I’m in this battle because to let a single freedom, a single one of my god-given rights fade away without a fight does the people who live everyday without them no justice and makes a mockery of their struggle.
So yes. I’m thankful for so much more than just my family and my friends. I’m thankful that I was lucky enough to be born into a situation that has allowed me to find a path in this world where I can give thanks by giving back. And it's nice to know that tomorrow, when I wake up, I'll still have all of this to be thankful for.
Winner Winner Turkey Dinner?
Posted by Anne X at around 10:19 PM View Comments
About Me
- Anne X
- an-eks;
–verb (used with object)
1. to attach, append, or add, esp. to something larger or more important.
Welcome to the haphazard blog of an often cynical always sarcastic 20-something female existing in between party lines, relationships, and causes, who participates in political activism when she doesn't oversleep and sometimes misbehaves in the presence of authority.
Contact Me
Unless you inform me otherwise.
Which I encourage...
Please Do So Here

